Sad...

It's payday today. But I don't feel any happier.

When I sit down and think about my life, I thought it was ok. Except for my job. I'm not getting any job satisfaction from my current employer. Everyday I went home feeling exhausted and worn out, like I had been working non-stop with no rest. Truth is, sometimes it does get to this situation. But somehow, I feel that all my hard work (if any) is not being reciprocated. I feel like I'm slogging my life away, and with no rewards. Thus, I can only reward myself with trips and some retail therapy.

I think it's really time to start considering a change of job and/or direction.


"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!"

It's Pay Day!

Another 28 hours to pay day! Woo hoo!

I'm so pathetic...


"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know."

Time zoooms....

I can't believe that how time had flew by when I am with this company.

It's almost the end of May. The best thing is, pay day is still 5 days away and I'm already broke, with only 8 bucks in my bank, and to make things worse --- it's the Great Singapore Sales period! Reminds me when I was younger. Always broke when the GSS is near. A bit sad.. because I don't really want to use my credit card. And I have no cash.

What in the world is going on?


"The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have."

遗憾

不想生命中有太多的遗憾。

因为，生命就只有仅仅的那么一回。听起来虽然是有点自私，但我不想让青春流白。想趁自己还有勇气与力气的当儿，好好的看着这个世界，好好的呼吸着每一棵树所释放出的氧气。我只想好好的活出自我而已啊。

人生就是短暂，所以才要活得精彩，活得有意义。

毕竟，活着是不应该充满着遗憾的。


"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

I.T. Bags

I came across a series of crocodile skin bags inside a magazine while waiting for my dentist yesterday. Most of them cost a few thousands. I saw a few that cost more than 30 grand. So come on and ask me if I will buy a 30 grand croco skin bag if I have the money. Come on, ask me. Ok, would I buy a 30 grand croco skin bag?

30 grand, you say?! Are you out of your puny mind? 30 grand for a piece of lousy bag?!

But it's no ordinary bag, it's a Chanel!

Chanel or not, croco skin or not, 30k is just insane! Have you any idea how many people are starving in this world? And here you are, trying to ask me if I will buy a 30k worthless bag? If you have a lot of money and nowhere to spend, why not donate them to charity, instead of buying a 30k bag?! I cannot believe it. 30k for a bag. A bag, for goodness' sakes!

I hate rich people.


"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."

Pirates!

Just watched "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End". Not very good in terms of execution of the story and plot. But nevertheless, entertaining.

I really like the whole pirate thingy. It is so intriguing and rings adventure at the sound of it. Fantasy. Yeah, that's what I'm suckered for. Phrases like "at world's end", "the edge of the world" really psyche me up. And all the crew onboard the Flying Dutchman, cool.

I really like to think that there IS really a hidden treasure in this world, or other worlds, for that matter, which calls for all the pirates in the world to seek for it. Corny, but I like it.

Maybe there really exists such people, such places, such times. Maybe. But I will keep it close to my heart.


"If we weren't all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting we couldn't endure it."

Eki Ben

I really missed the bento from Japan's train station. It really completes your trip to Japan.
Maybe it's the packaging, maybe it's the ume or the rice ball or some other things that attracts me. I remembered eating one bento where I absolutely had no idea what all the ingredients were.

A typical bento costs around the range of 700 to 1200 yen. But it is cheaper to get it from the kiosks at the station, instead of inside the train.

Bentos served inside the trains is usually more than 1000 yen, at least for me, so far. Actually, come to think of it, it is not cheap to eat bentos. You can have a sumptuous lunch set at only 1000 yen, which is more worth it than a bento.

But then again, what is a Japan trip without trains and bentos? Like they've said: Do what the Japanese do in Japan!


"There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking."

雨

外头下着绵绵细雨。
大树们都被雨淋得湿湿的。
窗前的那片干枯草地正拼命的吮吸着雨神所降临的礼物。

雨越下越大了。
开始刮大风了。

大树们随着风的吹势摆动着。

枯草被大雨一滴一滴的践踏着。

忽然想起有人曾经跟我说过雨会使大地变得更坚强。
我望着窗外的那片大草地。雨快泛滥整片草地了。
原本还以为可以死里逃生的枯草们，这时已经被雨水淹没了。

雨终于停了。
大树们也停止了摆动。
那片枯草地已变成烂泥巴。
这时，我又想起那个人的话：“水能载舟，亦能复舟。”

枯草不再干枯了。但也不能活了。

2001


"I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk."

Manners...

I was waiting for the lift. After a few minutes, the lift door opened. I pressed the hold button, while waiting for the lift to be emptied. Out came 2 pretty well-dressed ladies. They looked like very capable intellectuals. They didn't even lay their eyes on me, as they walked out of the lift, looking aloof.

Then out came the last passenger, who looked like a Filipina maid dragging a trolley. She looked at me and said, "Thank you."

Well, talk about manners. It seems that Singaporeans have none.


"Travel only with thy equals or thy betters; if there are none, travel alone."

生命 Ah...

生命真的很脆弱。我们是不是应该更加珍惜它呢?

或许，活得快乐，活得精彩，生命就没有遗憾了。

今后，我对人的处事态度要更圆滑一点。尽量让自己开心，让自己不要生气。因为，我真的不知道，我能活到何时。

生命的意义对我来说就是要快乐。


"Nothing lasts forever, not even your troubles."

Life is Strong...

I went to visit to visit a colleague in the hospital this morning, together with 5 other colleague friends.
This colleague of mine is a Burmese who came here to study and work. But she had cancer. I remembered that shortly after she came to our company, she was admitted to the hospital because she had the cancer of the breast. I didn't know her personally so I didn't quite believe it when my other colleague friends told me that she was in the hospital for breast cancer. I thought, how can that be? Didn't she just work here a few months ago? Everything just didn't make sense to me, somehow.

But then, I didn't get to know her better even after she was discharged. I literally heard everything about her based on what the other colleagues told me.
But when I finally get to talk to her, because of work, I realised how cheerful she is. She is like the happiest person alive. She didn't seem to be sick to me, at all. Maybe she is really happy to live again. She had a mastectomy of one of her breasts.

I thought she was well again. Until last week, she had a high fever and had to leave in the middle of work for home. Then she was admitted to the hospital. I got to know that, behind that cheerful face, she is really fearful of her condition. And that got me to think: she is really strong. Because she tries to hide her fears, and she did it pretty well.

So a bunch of us knocked and she saw us through the little window on the door. She looked esctatic to see us. And for me, knowing that she was hiding her true feelings because she probably didn't want us to feel bad, I went in and greeted her a loud and cheery "Hi! How are you!". She reciprocated in the same cheery manner. No. Even more cheerful, like bursting with sunshine. She looked good, I thought, though I couldn't help feeling sympathetic.
We asked her how she was and she explained her condition. Then came the ultimate shocking news that left everyone in the room silent. She explained that the cancer had spread to her lungs and uterus. And that her whole uterus had to be surgically removed. She then jokingly said, "Remove the whole uterus so cannot have baby already. But what to do, no choice ah." Can you imagine how I felt when I heard her said that? I felt devastated. She is only 30 years old and single. I knew she must be devastated by the news, but she still can joke about it. All of us just went dumb. For a few seconds, we stood in silence, because we didn't know what to say. Then she broke the silence when she used Burmese to speak to one of my colleague friends. I nearly wanted to burst into tears, but could only squeeze out a faint smile. I didn't want her to see anyone of us cry. I thought it would only make her more sad. I wasn't sure if she had come to terms with the fate of her destiny, but it seemed like she did.

We continued talking to her for an hour, and she was ever so cheery throughout the conversation. We left when she had her lunch. I walked out the door, feeling my heart ladened with stones and rocks. My heart was heavy. Our hearts were heavy.

I think I want to go visit her again, maybe after the operation which is dued in 2 days. Now, I can only pray for her to get well soon.

God bless.


"Fear can hold you a prisoner, hope can set you free."

Yay Bikini!

I just bought a new bikini(another one..?)! It's a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini, not! But it's light blue polka dot against black so it's very nice! Love it to bits! I've always wanted a polka dot bikini, and now I have it. Can't wait to wear it to the beach. And only 30 bucks(not the cheapest bikini I own, though).

Oh dear, I feel like a spendthrift. But never mind.


"I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere."

星星死了

总以为星星会为我活着。

我一直都是那么认为，至少，在我懂事之前。

小的时候星星就象钻石一样，闪呀闪的，一直都没停过。
那个时候，星星是永恒的。

从此以后，我便对天文学产生了兴趣。

以为可以让我解开对星星的一切迷团---对，是解开了，
但也让我知道了一些我不想知道的事---星星总有一天会死去。
我伤心极了。 我为了那些已死去的星星哭泣。

渐渐的长大了，也知道生命的短暂与脆弱，也了解到没有一样东西是可以永恒的。

阿公去逝的那一天，我就该明白了。 我早就该明白了。

星星好美啊。

现在，每当我站在窗前仰望着星空时，不禁会感叹一下，
因为我知道我现在所看到的星星，早已不在了。

2001


"Every time you say you don't believe in fairies, a fairy dies."

鞋带

鞋带又松了。

今天不知道是第几次了。

我弯下身子，重新把鞋带给绑好。
绑着绑着，不知何故，泪水竟然从我的眼眶里流了出来。

就在这寂寞的道路上，我哭了。

那是一条刚下过雨的街道。滑湿的道路显得格外冷清。
而我，就蹲在那儿，独自哭泣。

我回忆起小时后的情景。
回忆起阿公的脸孔。

阿公是第一个为我绑鞋带的人。
在我学会走路之后，都是阿公帮我绑的。
我的每一双鞋子都是他买的。而且，都是可以绑鞋带的那种。

阿公很喜欢帮我穿鞋子，然后绑鞋带。也许是因为疼我吧。
而我也喜欢让阿公为我代劳。每次阿公要我学绑鞋带时，我都会假装学不会，而且
还会撒娇的说：“阿公，我不会绑啦。你帮我。” 阿公也不厌其烦的帮我绑鞋带。


直到那天，我七岁时，阿公从我生命中消失了。

爸爸安慰我，说阿公是到一个很远的地方去了。那时，我虽然只有七岁，但我知道
阿公在那个时候已经永远的离开我了。
那时候，我也象现在这样，蹲在马路旁，独自哭泣。

长大了，懂得怎么绑鞋带了。
但我依然怀念着阿公。

2001


“Yesterday was never here，
and tomorrow will never be
but today is a gift，
that's why they call it 'present'.”

Shoot, shoot!

Haven't been shooting for a long time.

My collection is now stagnant. How am I going to improve myself if this goes on?
But I have been busy lately. Really. I'm not procrastinating or trying to find myself an excuse this time. But I figured that I will have the time once my company decided to shut down.

And God knows when will that be.


"'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read."

Freedom Writers

I had just watched The Freedom Writers and I thought that it was really inspiring. I then searched the web for The Freedoms Writers and came across this poem at the forum. It was written by someone, by the nickname, Harmony. I thought it is a really cool poem. It's a bit long though.


Be Yourself

Like a rushing river
discussion flows
each group pretends
they do not pose

Each person has a mask
black or white
he hides what he thinks
is a horrible sight

but this sight is not gruesome
nasty or bad
it's his true self
the single one to be had

In each person
young or old
is something beautiful
creative or bold

but it, he chooses to hide
so that no one may see
his true self is shameful
something dreadful to be!

Instead he pretends
and yes, he is good
not one person can see
the eyes behind his hood

He works and he works
until he is fooled
his true self is no more
he's officially "cool"

He ignores all his talents
his brains and his gifts
until he's accepted,
well...that's what he wished!

But later on he awakens
and opens his eyes
to find that he's nothing
but a foolish disguise

He see's not worth
and all around there is grief
his talent is wasted
like a dead leaf

he despairs and he crys
and then soon he finds
relief in something else
that's been on his mind

His dad always keeps one
in case of the need
to defend his own family
in event of an evil deed

The boy opens the drawer
and takes it out slowly
oh please, please don't do it!
for the sake of all that's holy!

*BANG* there it goes.
and he falls to the floor
his mask peels off,
not needed anymore

underneath it is pain
written on every feature
his eyes soft and innocent
he'd never harm a creature

but on the floor there he lies
the blood slowly seeps out
he did this to himself
we all say, without a doubt

but is this really true
or are we a part of this?
did we drive him to this deed,
and will we, him miss?

If only he'd had hope,
we all say with shaking heads
if only he'd tried harder
he wouldn't lie there dead

There's a lesson you can learn
from this story of the mask
hang on, don't get all bored on me,
here goes, here's your task:

every person has his talents
his personality, his gifts
our job is to bring them out
and his spirit, to uplift

forcing a person into a label
is torture, unfair...it's cruel!
let him be himself and then
in his own way, he'll be cool

Lend a listening ear
be open and be nice
and when the time calls for it
maybe lend him some advice!

But don't judge one another
we're each as different as the seasons
if a person doesn't like you
he has his own reasons

And always help each other out
and always be yourself
throw away your masks
don't put them on a shelf

for there might come a time someday,
when you want to just fit in
and may be tempted to put on your mask
but don't do it, don't give in!

Be yourself I say,
don't be afraid to shine
so that people will know you for who you are
and what you are, inside.


"Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

Tsk tsk tsk.. Women!

Women are such amazingly shrewd, jealous, revengeful and bitchy creatures.

And I regard myself to having such traits as normal. But the difference between me and other bitches is that, I will only be bitchy to those who bitch with me FIRST.

So, men and women, behold and beware! Don't mess around with me! I will make you suffer hell.. hahahahaha...!

Went swimming this morning. So refreshing!


"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear."

一份真

我要如何感谢上天和大地 赐给我每个日子 允许我每个呼吸
我要如何还诸上天和大地让我在这城市里聆听星光与月亮的低语

也许不是每个人都那么幸运且让我与你分享心中每一份感动
是否生命必须永远如此艰深是否我能为你解开这个疑问

还给我一份真像最初婴儿的体温
不管明天世界有多冷我愿拥你在怀中温暖一身
还给我一份真是最远最近的单纯
不管明天世界纷纷扰扰我愿陪你每一分 每一秒

我要如何感谢上天和大地
赐给我每个日子
允许我每个呼吸

这首歌是一份礼物。
每当我觉得全世界都在抛弃我的时候，我就会哼起它。一边唱，一边慢慢的咀嚼这首歌的意义。的确，当我唱完了整首歌后，心情确实是开朗了许多。

这是一份很有意义的礼物。
记得当时心情有点郁闷。这时我收到了邮件。是我的好友寄来的。信封里头是一封信，和一个卡带。信上写着<一份真>的歌词，就这样。我很好奇，为什么她要寄卡带给我呢?

这是一份最让我感动的礼物。
我播着卡带，收音机里传出来的竟然不是许美静的歌声，而是我好友的。
她那带点颤抖的声音让我哭笑不得。但我的心也悄悄的笑了。

从此，它是我最好的疗伤工具。现在，也送给每一个人，当你觉得受委屈的时候，不妨把它唱一遍，或许会让你获得心情愉快！


"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

A Beautiful Day Dream

Today is a beautiful day.

I woke up to the sounds of birds chirping, sun glistening from afar. I quickly washed up in the open air bathroom in my little small cottage home, knowing that adventure was waiting for me.

Two sunny side-ups, baked beans and heavenly toasts, and fresh milk for breakfast. Yum. After breakfast, I waltz through all the furniture in the tiny house, through the small wooden door, and away I went! Out for adventure!

How I loved the fresh scent of grass and river! The primeval jungle was waiting for me.

I halted at the seemingly only entrance to the forest, inhaled a deep breath, and took a step forward. A whole new world presented itself to me in a flash.

Outside the jungle, it was cheerful and sun drenched. But once inside, the smell of damp woods and leaves, and the apparent change in temperature was soothing and inviting. I was all alone. I could feel Mother Earth for the first time. So near. She was just beside me. The woodlands exuded such peaceful quietness, I could stand here forever.

As I took another step further into the ancient forest, I was slapped back to reality. The jungle did not really disappear. It just turned to concrete. Concrete jungle, that is.

Well, it’s time to wake myself up. All of the above is pseudo. I have never had the benefit of living such a life. I am actually surrounded by cold slabs of concrete but I really wish for a rendezvous with Mother Earth.

I can’t say I like the au naturel way of living. But I could say that I don’t like to live in an urban jungle. I can do without TV, hifi or even internet, I swear.

A friend of mine asked me if I could live in a rural farm area, like her hometown, in China for say, a month. And I quickly told her that I can’t really live without proper toilets and hot water. She then added her hometown is not really that rustic, and I said,” Then I can live there for a month.” She smiled.

I really hope to be able to visit her hometown someday. Because she is the one who described her childhood memories to me, and I had used it for the rainforest part.

Today is a beautiful day.


"Never fear shadows. They only mean that there is a light shining somewhere nearby."

I am Thankful for what I have Now

I am thankful for what I have now.

I may live in a HDB flat in a place where some of my foreign friends described as kampong or ulu, I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, to shelter me from the sun and the rain, and a place where I can call it a home. I am thankful for the peaceful surroundings when I needed some quiet times on my own.

I may not have parents who are engineers or teachers, they are just normal folks with very little education, I am thankful that they showed me the way to live, to learn and to respect. I am glad that they are my parents because they are always there to solve my problems and to guide me when I am lost.

I may not have siblings who are very close to me, but I am thankful that my two brothers are always there when trouble seemed to be brewing, when the family’s foundation is a little shaky. They are always there to remind me and everyone that we are one family.

I may not have the handsomest and most intelligent husband, but he is the most gentle and caring husband. I am thankful that my husband is always patient with me. In times when I lose my temper, he will calm me down. He taught me the meaning of patience. And when I am sick, he will always find time to buy me dinner, to see me even though we are not living together right now.

I may not be the most beautiful woman on earth, but I am glad that I have a beautiful heart. I may not have the biggest and brightest eyes, but I am thankful that I can still see this beautiful world. I may have the biggest ears though; I am glad that I can lend a listening ear to those who might have something to say. I am so thankful that all my fingers are intact, so that I can still type and write and do a lot of things. I am thankful that my plump stubby legs are still strong, so that I can climb and walk and jump and enjoy the freedom to move around. I am thankful that I still got my voice, even though it is not the prettiest sound to hear, I can still tell the ones that I love,” I love you all.”

I am so thankful that I am alive. To be able to experience the good and bad, highs and lows of life, and to be able to breathe. I think Life is really wonderful.


"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."